How Athletes Can Work More Effectively with Coaches
Whether you love your coach or hate your coach, they play an integral role in your experience of the sport. While this role is obviously significant, it does not have to completely dictate how you experience your sport. It is possible to enjoy your sport without liking your coach! I understand it becomes much more difficult, though. I have worked with many athletes whose coaches were ruining their sport for them. Our entire work was spent learning how to navigate their relationship with their coach and not let their coach negatively affect them so much. This blog post seeks to help athletes overcome a coaching obstacle to their sport enjoyment. Even for athletes who have a positive relationship with their coach, there are some pieces of advice in here that can help maximize that relationship.
Collaborating with a Coach
For most athletes, they take what their coaches say and try to implement it. Even if it does not necessarily make sense or if they do not agree with it, they put their heads down and try to make it work. In an ideal coach-athlete relationship, athletes do more than just listen – they also converse with their coach in a collaborative manner. The best coaches talk about learning how each of their athletes works best and then coaching them accordingly. However, that is easier said than done. Athletes can help with their coaches’ attempts to tailor their coaching styles to them by offering feedback. If a coach does something that motivates you, let them know! If a coach offers feedback in a way that was helpful, let them know! They will hopefully be intentional about repeating those behaviors. On the other hand, if they offered confusing advice or behaved in a demotivating way, the coach could benefit from this type of feedback as well.
Now I know that this suggestion comes with a grain of salt. The encouragement to collaborate with your coach may not work with every coach, especially ones who can be controlling or with whom you do not have a positive relationship. The reason that it may not work is that it counts on the coach’s ability to cooperate. I know many coaches who would bristle at their athletes giving them feedback on what works or does not work for them. For athletes who are fortunate enough to have an open and communicative coach, this suggestion is for you. If not, you may not want to wade into these waters.
Controlling What You Can Control
For this section, I will now focus on what is entirely in the athletes’ control, regardless of the relationship or coaching behaviors. In contrast to the above section, this part is more applicable to athletes who struggle with their coaches.
Ask questions: Even if you are not able to collaborate with your coach, you can still ask questions. If you are not getting the playing time that you feel like you deserve, asking questions of your coach might be helpful. What is the coach wanting you to improve in order to play more? Are there specific skills that your coach thinks you could practice to help your chances? If they provide general feedback, see if you can get your coach to be more specific. For example, if they want their players to show more leadership qualities, ask them what they want from a leader, such as specific behaviors that demonstrate leadership qualities. It is important how you ask these questions, though. Take a curious tone, rather than a challenging one. You want to demonstrate how much you care about getting better, which all coaches want from their athletes. They do not want to perceive their athletes as whining or being hard to work with.
Utilize other sources of confidence: This advice works well regardless of how much you like your coach. Coaches are indeed an important potential source of confidence for athletes. Affirmation from a coach after a good play can boost a player’s confidence. Consistently being chosen to start games demonstrates that a coach trusts that athlete, and having a coach’s belief goes a long way for an athlete’s mental state. However, it is important not to exclusively count on it as a source of confidence because it is out of the athlete’s control. Some coaches, even if they really believe in their athletes, do not necessarily offer a lot of praise. Looking to a coach for positive feedback might become a waiting game with no end. On the other hand, receiving harsh feedback from a coach can be demoralizing, causing an athlete to wonder if they are good enough. Some coaches tend to offer almost exclusively negative feedback, seeking to correct mistakes more than highlight successes. Athletes with these kinds of coaches will struggle to build confidence based on their interactions with their coaches. Thus, athletes who have multiple sources of confidence, especially those sources that are entirely in their control, will have a more stable sense of confidence. These other sources can include knowing how much preparation went into a competition, taking care of their bodies and minds off the field, or giving their best.
Spend time with sport outside of the environment where your coach is: Athletes could try getting to practice early or stay late to play games with their teammates. They might meet up with friends in other settings so that they can engage in their sport in a more relaxed environment. Athletes could even attend collegiate or professional games. For those who have a negative perception of their coach, getting out of that environment could help them reconnect with why they play their sport in the first place. It could serve as a reminder of what they love about their sport and decrease the impact that their coach has on their relationship with their sport as their experience of their sport is now expanded beyond the formal practice or competition setting. It might also help you realize that you really are out of love with your sport. If that is the case, then there is no need to continue suffering – time to move on!
Separate tone from feedback: This is likely the most difficult suggestion to implement. Coaches are not necessarily always experts, but regardless of their style of coaching, they typically have important knowledge to impart. To become a coach, they most likely used to play themselves and are passionate about their sport. When working with athletes who have problems with their coaches, the issue the athlete has is typically about how the coach treats them and offers feedback, not the coach’s understanding of tactics. Can you challenge yourself to incorporate the feedback but filter out the tone? Take what is valuable from the feedback without being overly concerned with how it is delivered. For the most part, a coach’s feedback style generalizes to all their athletes; they rarely pick on just one athlete with harsh or negative feedback. As a result, it is not personal. It says a lot more about the coach than it does about the athlete, so let the coach carry that negative energy without taking it on yourself.
Leave the team: I understand that there are some extreme coaches out there, to the point that some of the above advice might sound insensitive. I could see some responding with, “The problem lies with the coach, not with how the athlete is responding to it!” And I hear that. With this in mind, I think some of the above ideas are more directed at athletes who are high school aged and older. For younger athletes, encouraging them to do something like separate tone from feedback and choose their own response is likely too much to ask due to their developmental stage. It takes a high degree of emotion regulation to be able to do this. For both younger and older athletes, though, there does get to a point where it makes sense for an athlete to leave a team due to the coach. I think the word “quit” often gets overused in sports when athletes retire early or change teams. There is a negative connotation to this word, and I often try to reframe it. If playing for a team is no longer serving you and causing more harm than good, then what is the point? What are you getting out of that experience that is more important than changing teams or even changing sports/activities so that you can have more fun?
In conclusion, how much power are you going to give one person? Will your coach define your relationship with your sport itself? As I identified at the end of the above section, there are cases where the best course of action is to leave the environment. However, for many athletes, I believe there is room to take the initiative to improve their relationship with their coach, and through that, their sport. Notice in my opening paragraph how I encouraged athletes to not “let” the coach affect them. To an extent, it is our responsibility to choose how much we allow coaches (and people in general) to affect us. Viktor Frankl, a psychologist and Holocaust survivor, said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
If you are interested in learning more on how to work more effectively with your coach, you can make an appointment to meet with our sport psychologist!
1. Contact Sunrise Counseling
2. Meet with one of our caring therapists
Mental Health Services at Sunrise Counseling in Dallas, TX
In addition to Sport Psychology, Sunrise Counseling offers a variety of other mental health services in our Dallas TX-based therapy office and offers telehealth therapy to those residing in Texas. Mental health services we provide at Sunrise Counseling include: