Parenting Athletes: How to Support Your Child’s Sports Journey Without Pressure
Most parents start off having similar goals for their children who play sports. They want their children to learn life lessons, be the best athlete they can be, and, most of all, have fun. However, sports evoke many emotions, some of which can cause parents to lose sight of these goals and values. Rather than help their children achieve these goals, parents themselves might be one of the reasons that their children struggle to benefit from the potential power of sports. This might not be conscious. If anything, parents often believe the opposite – that they are providing significant help to their child. It might be important to take a step back and evaluate your role as a parent in your child’s athletic participation. Every parent-child relationship is different, but what follows are some general suggestions often learned in sport psychology. They can effectively guide parents in their efforts to be a positive contributor to their child’s sport experience.
Communicating With Your Child
Ask Your Child How You Can Be Helpful
Rather than guessing what is best for your child, ask them directly. In terms of how you support their athletic participation, find out what they like that you do, what they wish you would do less of, and what they want you to do more of. You may not agree with everything that they say. However, they will likely appreciate the opportunity to have a conversation, and it also gives you a chance to explain why you do certain things.
Your explanation might even help your child accept those behaviors if they understand it better. However, it is best that you respect your child’s wishes if they really want you to stop something. If they say that it is making their performance worse, why keep doing it? Give your child a chance to express their preferences – they are experts on themselves.
Be Intentional About the Language You’re Using
You may not realize how the language that you use may be adding pressure to your child’s sports experience. Over the next week or two, be cognizant of the language that you are using. Using words like “need” and “must” ladens your message with pressure, as if there is no other choice, and not doing whatever you are suggesting would be a failure. You could try language like “You might want to think about trying…” or “It seems like… has not been working for you.” You can also think about how your language leans positively or negatively. There is so much research that supports the benefits of using positive self-talk.
People, including athletes, who believe that they can do something and who have an internal dialogue that is largely positive generally perform better than people who are negative or do not believe in themselves. Parents’ voices are internalized by their children. Especially those who are younger in their development. Whatever you tell them might be something that they will tell themselves in the future. When talking to your child, are you telling them what not to do or giving them more direction on what they could do differently? Does it tend to focus on the positives, or are you too busy homing in on the negatives? Would you want your child repeating what you just said for years to come?
Ask Questions When They Aren’t Doing Well
For parents, especially those who have played sports, it can be difficult not to jump in and provide the quick fix. You want the best for your child, and through your own experiences, you often have an effective solution on hand to offer. However, consistently giving them advice may increase their resistance to that advice. It also means that they will not learn on their own and instead become increasingly dependent on you for answers in the future. Instead, try asking them what they think went wrong if they did not play well or what they would do differently next time. Getting their input can increase their intrinsic motivation as they figure out their problems on their own. It will feel more rewarding to them.
By giving less advice and giving them space to work through things on their own, you may find that they become more receptive to the advice that you offer when you do decide to go the advice-giving route. If you think offering advice might be particularly important, I encourage you to ask if they would like to hear your thoughts on whatever the situation is. By consenting to your advice, they will be more likely to hear it and less likely to resist it, as they have now chosen to listen to you rather than advice being given unsolicited. In sport psychology, you learn how not to fix everything for them. By letting them explore themselves, you may find that there is less to fix.
Encourage Your Child to Have Conversations With Coaches
This tip builds upon the previous one in terms of your child taking ownership of their athletic participation and being motivated to make the changes themselves. Sometimes, it can be appropriate for parents to have conversations with the coaches. However, I would suggest starting out by thinking about how your child can have that conversation themselves. Or at least be there when you talk with the coach. For example, if your child is not starting and is not sure why, they can ask their coach why they are not starting. They can also ask what they can work on to improve their chances of starting. These conversations can be difficult, but it is an important skill. Having these conversations with coaches can be a good learning opportunity to communicate with authority figures in other areas of life.
Talk About and Explore Other Aspects of Your Child’s Identity
Even for serious athletes, they are so much more than just athletes. While sports can bring families together and connect you to your children, having sports being the sole connector and topic of conversation is likely detrimental. According to research, over-identifying with athletics and not having a more well-rounded identity is related to poor mental health outcomes and greater difficulty with transitioning out of competitive sports (which everyone must do at some point!). How you communicate with your child can help them develop other aspects of their identity. Rather than just talking to them about their athletic participation at the end of the day or at a family dinner, inquire about their schoolwork, friends, other hobbies, etc. The more that you focus only on sports, the more that your children will think their relationship with you and their worth as a person only depends on their athletic participation and performance. Exploring other aspects of their lives will help them develop a more balanced life and well-rounded identity.
Self-Reflection When Parenting Athletes
Recognize Your Role As a Parent on Game Day
You may think that yelling advice at them from the sidelines during their game is giving them important information. However, these actions may actually cause anxiety or impaired performance. What you may be saying could contradict what the coach instructed, which is confusing for your child. It puts them in an uncomfortable position of having to choose between listening to their coach or their parent. And let’s face it – there is also a good chance that they are not hearing you anyway. So instead, why not just be a parent and let the coach do the coaching? Getting involved as a parent by instructing your child or other children may give the sense that you are contributing positively. Unfortunately, more often than not, this is not the case. When you stop placing responsibility on yourself to act as a pseudo-coach, you can instead just enjoy the competition.
A parent recently told me about how her son’s coach has a “no verbs” rule for parents' communication with their children and teammates during games. They are welcome to encourage and support in a general sense, but providing direction and advice is solely the responsibility of the coach. Engage with this idea as an experiment. For the next few games, eliminate all forms of specific instructions. Afterwards, check in with yourself and with your child about how it went. Did your child’s performance differ? How did it feel for you to relinquish control? And more importantly, how did your child feel about the difference?
Evaluate Yourself
Just as it is important to ask your child questions about how you are doing in your role as a parent, you should be asking yourself questions, too. Think about how you treat your child, the coach, and even referees. Who are you doing this for? Are you keeping your child’s best interests at the forefront of your mind, or do your actions reflect something more selfish? Are you getting more upset or frustrated than your child about a certain refereeing call or a coaching decision? Ask others besides your child about their perceptions of your current support of your child. You can have check-ins with your partner if you have one about how each of you is doing in terms of helping your child. Asking the coach for any feedback or ideas could also be a potential resource.
Speaking of resources… Parenting is hard enough. And navigating the modern youth sports scene is only getting more difficult. If you would like further help with parenting your child through their athletic career, we encourage you to reach out to our Colorado therapy practice. Start working with our virtual sport psychologist in Denver to strengthen your relationship with your child while encouraging their love os the game.
Get Expert Guidance For Parenting Athletes Through Sport Psychology in Denver, CO
Raising an athlete can be exciting, but it can also be challenging to know how to encourage their growth without adding pressure. Sport psychology can help parents and young athletes build healthier mindsets, manage performance stress, and keep the joy in sports while still striving for success.
At Sunrise Counseling, we understand the unique challenges families face when navigating youth sports. Our Denver-based sport psychologist works with both athletes and their parents to create positive support systems, build resilience, and maintain confidence on and off the field. Together, we’ll help your child stay motivated, handle setbacks, and enjoy their sport without feeling overwhelmed.
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. With the right guidance, you can support your child’s performance, confidence, and well-being in a way that nurtures long-term success and enjoyment. Here’s how to begin online sport psychology in Denver, CO:
Discover how sport psychology can support your child’s growth and performance during your first consultation.
Work with a compassionate sport psychologist in Denver, CO who understands the dynamics of youth sports.
Learn tools to encourage without pressure so your child can thrive, stay confident, and enjoy their athletic journey.
Other Mental Health Services We Provide in Colorado
Helping your young athlete succeed isn’t just about encouraging hard work. It’s about supporting their mental health and confidence, too. Through virtual sport psychology in Denver, parents can learn how to guide their children with encouragement instead of pressure, helping them stay motivated, resilient, and happy in their sport.
At Sunrise Counseling, we understand that parenting an athlete comes with unique challenges, but we also know that life’s struggles can extend far beyond the game. That’s why we provide a wide range of mental health services to help both parents and children navigate stress, emotions, and personal growth. Whether you visit us in person at our Dallas, TX office or work with us through online counseling across Colorado and other PSYPACT-participating states, we’re here to support your family’s overall well-being.
In addition to sport psychology, we offer therapy for anxiety, depression, trauma, and grief. Our therapists also work with men, women, children, couples, and families to address a variety of mental health needs. We provide specialized care for anger management, chronic pain, OCD, postpartum depression, miscarriage, and infertility. For families who want spirituality integrated into therapy, we offer faith-based counseling, and we are proud to support Spanish-speaking clients with culturally sensitive therapy.
Whatever challenges you or your child may be facing, we’re here to help you build stronger relationships, healthier coping skills, and lasting emotional resilience. We invite you to explore our blog for helpful resources and reach out when you’re ready to take the next step in supporting your child’s athletic and emotional journey.
About the Author
Dr. James Ramarushton is a licensed psychologist serving clients in Colorado and Texas and holds PSYPACT certification, allowing him to work with athletes and families across most U.S. states through secure online sessions. A former collegiate athlete himself, Dr. Ramarushton knows firsthand the mental and emotional challenges that come with sports and the pressure young athletes often feel. He earned his PhD in Counseling Psychology with a specialization in Sport Psychology from the University of North Texas—one of the nation’s most respected sport psychology programs—and is recognized as a Certified Mental Performance Consultant (CMPC) by the Association for Applied Sport Psychology. Combining his clinical expertise with his athletic background, Dr. Ramarushton helps athletes build confidence, resilience, and focus while guiding parents on how to support their child’s sports journey without adding pressure. He also encourages the use of tools like meditation to enhance performance and mental well-being.