Tips On How To Get The Most Out Of Counseling
Therapy is human engagement. And due to each human’s unique and complex nature, therapy can be difficult to describe and define. It looks different for each therapist and each client. Dr. Irvin Yalom goes as far to encourage therapists to create a new therapy for each client. Without an easy step-by-step process, clients can sometimes feel lost when starting therapy. They question whether they are using therapy correctly and wonder how they can get the most out of it. Regardless of what your specific goals are for therapy, below are some foundational guidelines for therapy (in no particular order). If change is what you are really wanting, these guidelines can provide some direction on how to use therapy and help carry you closer to whatever your goals are.
Talk with your therapist about how therapy is going: Therapists do not typically have just one way of working with clients. Instead, they can be flexible in their ability to work with the client in a way that the client wants. If something is not working (e.g., the therapist is focusing too much on an unimportant topic or offering a suggestion that is not helpful), then speak up for yourself! This in and of itself is an important skill, and it also gives the therapist the knowledge to better help you. With that knowledge, they can reevaluate and readjust their approach to tailor it more specifically to your concerns. While I cannot guarantee they will incorporate your feedback, you will not know if you do not ask. And if you hear the therapist explain why they think what they are doing is important, it might change your own mind. On the flip side, if you found something particularly helpful, that is also good for the therapist to hear so that they can continue doing whatever it was that was helpful. The therapy space is co-created, and you are one of the co-creators!
Set goals: Going to therapy often means that you want something different in your life, from how you manage emotions to how you relate to others. To enact change, it is important to identify that and be intentional about working towards the change. What do you want out of therapy? What do you want to be different? How would you know if things were different? Setting goals can help provide direction and focus in therapy. As therapy progresses, checking in on goals allows the therapist and client to determine if what they have been doing has been productive. It is okay if you are unsure what your exact goals are! Sometimes this can take time to figure out, and your therapist can collaborate with you on doing that.
Do work in between therapy: Therapy is generally about 50 minutes once a week. There are 10,080 minutes in a week, making a weekly therapy session just under 0.5% of your week. Change will be much more likely to occur, as well as occur more quickly, if you spend time outside of session building on the work that you are doing in session. At the end of sessions, you can work with your therapist to identify what you can do outside of session that relates to what was discussed in session. That way, you are getting more practice in, as well as more material to bring to the next session based on how that practicing went.
Have sessions build off one another: Again, if change is really what you are wanting, then it is helpful to home in on a particular area and remain consistent in your focus on it. If there is a crisis or unique situation that occurs before a session, then of course you can shift attention from the previous topic in therapy and work through the more recent incident. However, if you are changing topics each week, it can become difficult to make any actual change in any of those specific topics. Think of it like working out at the gym. Let’s say you really want to have bigger biceps. To increase the size of your biceps, you will want to focus consistent time and energy on exercising them. Each week you will want to engage in different biceps exercises to slowly build muscle. But if you vary your workouts too much and only focus on your biceps once every few weeks, then that muscle will probably remain at a similar size.
Come prepared to each session and then reflect on each session: Only having 50 minutes a week with your therapist means that you want to make the most use of your time. Those 50 minutes are an opportunity to work on yourself in a unique space that is designed to have full, empathetic attention on you and only you. The more that you can be prepared for how you want to use your sessions, the more that you will get out of them. A simple way to do this is to utilize the time that you are already spending driving to the therapist’s office and think about what would be helpful to talk about in the session. If you are having a virtual session, you could go for a quick walk beforehand to engage in some session planning. After the session is over, it is important to reflect on the session as well, considering the takeaways and what you can do over the next week to build on the session. Therapy does not stop when the session is over.
Look inward: In the end, the only person you have control over is yourself. We may be able to influence others, but for the most part we cannot dictate what they do. Even if we cannot change a situation, we can change how we react to it. As a result, if you are really wanting change in your life, start with what you can do differently. If you just wait around for others to change, you might spend your whole life waiting. Viktor Frankl said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Taking responsibility for change may be anxiety-provoking and perhaps even a shot to the ego if it is not yourself who you think “needs” to change, but in the end, it can be incredibly empowering.
Practice, practice, practice: I have heard therapy be referred to as cyclotherapy, meaning that it often takes revisiting certain topics or patterns again and again in therapy before real change occurs. Oftentimes, our patterns that we want to change are so ingrained in us, developed over the course of years. As a result, it takes more than an “a-ha” moment of realizing the pattern and where it comes from to break out of it. Going over the same material in therapy can be helpful, even necessary, to rewire and create new patterns. Similarly, practicing coping strategies or new ways of relating outside of the therapy room is also important (Remember about only having 50 minutes a week with your therapist?). Just like any new skill, what you learn in therapy will take time to develop and implement. It might be uncomfortable at first, but only dedicated time and effort will increase comfort and competence with these new skills.
Take risks: If there is something that you have never said before, a memory you have been avoiding, an idea that is difficult to say out loud, then, more often than not, these are exactly the things that eventually need to be said and processed (in a safe space and with the foundation of healthy coping skills). The reasons behind not sharing those things are likely protective (e.g., talking about or even thinking about those things evokes uncomfortable emotions, others have not responded empathetically in the past), but therapy can offer a new experience. Whatever you are holding onto, it is not going anywhere just because you are not saying it out loud or doing your best not to think about it. The more risks that you take in therapy, the more likely you are going to be able to stretch yourself and grow.
To start counseling in Dallas, TX, follow these steps:
1. Contact Sunrise Counseling
2. Meet with one of our caring therapists
Mental Health Services in Dallas, TX
Sunrise Counseling offers a variety of mental health services in our Dallas TX-based therapy office and offers telehealth therapy to those residing in Texas.. Mental health services we provide at Sunrise Counseling include: